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pocky_ichigo
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Name: Jenny
Birthday: 10/4/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: reading, writing, travelling, listening to music, talking, germany, italy, international cuisine, phantom of the opera, naruto, travel books, chewing gum, philosophy, photography, family guy,
Expertise: yaoi
Occupation: Uni Student
Industry: Pharmacy
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
9/13/2005
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| I've been told very often that luck always seems to slide under my doors when I need it. If that was true, that is indeed very fortunate of me. Recently, it kind of does feel like the gods are providing a convenient path for me to take and my heart is very thankful for any sort of guidance.
I've got a great new job. Finally, after some very good luck (or perhaps a very good good-luck charm?) I got out there and got hired so easily. I feel like I'm getting places now.
I had fun on my birthday. It seems like fun is like good cheese; gets better as you get older. Yes, I can't wait to be celebrating my 60th birthday with the man who can actually love my everything and 2.1 children with their partners at some family restaurant in a nice spring evening.
I've gotten on good(?) terms with some very particular and important people I have to make a good impression to. This is such a huge contrast to before that anything, literally ANYTHING seems like smooth sailing to me.
Positivity and optimism are very important elements which I lost too easily during my 19 years of life, and I hope I am on the right path to regaining them. I've realised that it is too easy for people to slump into a mess of sensitivity, anger and irrational behaviour. Once you start letting yourself go, you tend to spill all over the place. In the end, the only person who can clean that mess up is yourself. Rebounding won't fix your relationships, and bulimia won't make you beautiful. Sucking up won't make you a leader, and cheating isn't proving a thing about your intellect.
All you can do is close your eyes, breathe in deeply, and open that third eye in your body which can look directly into your heart and soul and see what it is that you are made of. After you truly discover yourself, you can go anywhere standing on your own two feet.
I must say though, out of all the luck that has come into my life, the most precious slice of it that came my way is the friends I have made. It is something that I treasure very much, in a way I never have before. I love you. | | |
| I gotta stop this bad habit of mine. Although it doesn't harm others because they don't see it, it's very disruptive to my mind. I have an alter ego which is totally off the frequency of reality.This might make my life more interesting, with all the Prozac and whimsical acts of stupidity has to offer. Becoming an occasional smoker,, compulsive drinker, and other forms of elaborate self destruction is what I have come to crave on the sidelines of my seemingly complacent life. Is this what accompanies youth?
I do not long for a perfect life. It's not the destination that matters, but it's the journey towards that point which I consider as having substance. I do not long for constant happiness, as this is naive and does not teach you anything. I do not desire a fast recovery as I want to savor every moment of my life, including the moments which make me sad. I want to be hit in the face by people of all kinds in all sorts of ways. The ones who want to prove their worth, the ones who want revenge, the ones who want to be better off than I, the ones who want to teach me a lesson, the ones who do it for fun, the ones who didn't mean to.
Now, I am no masochist. I simply live and breathe off all of life's ups and downs, and it is simply better to run into all situations before it's too late. Other's misfortunes and sadness is a fuel for me to explore the dark side of the world and the choices which people make. Other's genuine happiness is a source of my happiness also. It proves to me that the world makes sense in the end. And even though there may be selfish, two faced, manipulative, spiting, cruel, or self absorbed people in the world who may not deserve what they've been blessed with, I'd like to smile at them and thank them for making the world so rich with experiences.
In conclusion, I am happy being flawed and unhappy occasionally. I am a healthy human being and I know so much more than the guy who wants to be happy all the time. Bring on the drugs! I'm depressed and I'm loving it.
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| love is like a cold. intense and consuming when it hits you. but when it's gone, it's as if it was never there in the first place...
realization of his concept came about the hard way. so does this mean that one should never care about a man's seriousness and passion as it will, in an instant, disappear as if it never were? was all the effort to have cared and thought wasted? am i a fool to be the only one that has taken everything so seriously? if so, was it ever worthy to love? a love forgotten so swiftly, was it ever worth it to pursue? or maybe it is a sign that the right thing was done.
i know people constantly strive to find happiness and to get out of depressed feelings as soon as possible, but i feel sometimes it is impossible to do so if you've felt intensely about something. this is how i felt previously. and this also makes me feel like a bigger fool.
However, it may be that like I, some people may just be the type to not forget and move on as easily as it is done for others, rather than it being a measurement for how meaningful and full of promise it was. Or is it a mixture of both? the concept of love boggles my mind, and i am not sure i will ever get the hang of it.
provided enough barriers are erected between your love and the object of your love, and if it is enough to have the power to diminish your love, is this a signal that this person never was the right one for you? or is this just a matter of chance of which person has the most problems preventing a positive relationship?
Is faithfulness and longevity mostly a matter of a person's honour and sense of morale? Many say love is a minor factor playing in long term relationships, one which lasts several decades. The remainders consist of commitment, honour, sense of family, etc.
are people in love or as serious as they themselves want to be? now the whole concept of relationships seems like it is something you can control. no longer is it revolving around the concept of love being changeable and unexpected yadda yadda...it is something you can switch off and on when you feel the need, a 'love receptor' specific for a particular person is inhibited, and another can be switched on immediately.
...and so comes the question, what the fuck is true love? is it really something uncontrollable, romeo and juliet, life and death? or is it something that you allow to be controlled and regulated and 'allow' to grow and diminish to the appropriate settings. is it more true love when you can never seem to forget about someone than someone who moves on?
perhaps it has come to the point where seriously, i should stop trying. draw a line for myself. maybe it's really not worth it to try harder...maybe, making up happiness around me will eventually be a strong enough illusion for me to believe that i have found happiness. or maybe i just don't realize i have happiness because i am dwelling far too much on making everything perfect. perhaps i need to learn to leave things in its imperfect state. perhaps walking away is sometimes the better thing to do, and does not mean you do not care. i care enough to suppress my instincts and urge to make things right and walk away? does that work? will that work? will anything work? that is the idea of imperfection, i guess. it will never work; accept it.
gosh i hate life.
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| Perhaps it was closure which was required. Closure, which involved rising above the tides providing the leap in the race leaving others behind. Egocentric? Hopeless? Naive? But knowledge is taken away, and another mask adjusted over the face to help the world and the reality to be more recognizable than before.
Perhaps "yes" is spoken to easily. but then the wise man says that you should leap at every opportunity. Sometimes the hard way is the best way to discover the ways of living?
Now, the slow realization that what was wanted and desired has now been found. Perhaps it takes time for the message to take toll on the heart.
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| I think I am actually a romanticist. Maybe facebook was right (=O) - I -AM- hiding love from myself. Secret little desires boasting romantic ideas and thoughts...but my head quickly resurfaces to the realms of reality and I shy away and get fed up with the amorous intimacy. I realised. I will never find complete sanctuary in any place but within myself. It's something that I have already known, but people tend to turn their eyes away from the bleak perspectives of humanity and make false promises of comfort. Ultimately, in the end, the one you can always depend on and put yourself in the right direction when the road disappears is...yourself. Maturation..is a destination I have yet to reach. But I am lost right now. Like walking through water, even if I try so hard, I cannot progress any faster. And the water is rising. Where do I find the strength to move?
How do I find balance? How do I plant my feed firmly on the ground, and not drift off?
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